Swallows and Amazons

15 Apr

Oh, hello.

I created these pages in the olden days and now find myself drawn back. I’ve been doing fish finger research you see and it turns out that in creating this blog I have also created one of the pre-eminent sources of fish finger trivia in the world ever.

This is a good legacy, I think. Since last here I’d created another, Whitney Houston, related legacy: naming a small room. It was well-named and ill-willed. It isn’t there anymore. 

There was an old lady who swallowed a fly. Perfectly feasible. But then it goes a little down hill. Maybe it’s allegory.






Matthew and the drawing lesson

8 Jul

When I was in the very early stages of my school life I shared a desk with a boy called Matthew and a boy called Neil.

We drew pictures a lot. Really cool ones, I recall, using the inside cut out bit of a protractor to make aztec-y men/monsters.

We were not allowed to draw all the time as we had other things to do. Like learning to read I guess, I don’t remember.

So after spending some time drawing, the teacher (Mrs Campbell? Very likely dead now) would call time and ask us to get our books out.

This would make us sad.

Neil and I persuaded Matthew to ask if we could draw some more, just this once. He did and he was rebuked; he had failed us.

We made him ask again. Some flippant remark about after we’d finished the task at hand form the teacher gave us hope. We rushed through it and then sent Matthew to ask again.

She releneted. Matthew came back to the desk like a war hero, freshly escaped form enemy hands. We got out our drawing things.

But no. The teacher came over and said that only matthew could draw as he had been the one to ask so nicely, and so often.

Looking back I guess maybe she was teaching us a more valuable lesson or maybe she was just aware that our pushing of Matthew was too strong.

Who knows?



Has the BBC ‘disappeared’ fantasy author?

14 Jun

I missed the news last night but I’ve been able to get the general gist of what’s happening.

Several BBC executives, angry at having to move house from Television Centre to a barge on Manchester Ship Canal (where I live), have made the ultimate protest by chasing a famous fantasy fiction author across Europe; finally capturing him in Switzerland where they beat him to death with a Tolblerone.

One of the vigilante BBCers is reported as justifying her actions thusly: “The government is living in a fantasy land if it thinks we’re going to give up on our expensive and arcane old building for the sake of efficiency and providing a proper pan-UK service without a London bias. This author chappy creates such fantasy worlds and therefore deserves to die.”

This story is a moral mine-field but I guess the BBC has the right to choose to kill someone.

Terry Pratchett is 63.

Here comes another one. Here it comes, again.

13 Jun

Phillip and I invented a new game over the weekend.

It is based on the elasticity of time and human perception and is called *drum-roll* ‘waiting’.

The rules are slightly fluid at this point. There is a little ‘Mornington Cresecent’ feel to it.

Anyway. You just wait for something unusual to happen. And wait. You can’t do anything else but wait. The person who starts to actually enjoy the process first is the loser. It’s best if nothing happens whilst you’re waiting. Any actual events ruin the game a little bit.

Today, I like this song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zpv5kFMcq8I

Leicester is NOT prepared for a zombie attack.

10 Jun

Alarming news broken by the BBC today suggests that Leicester City Council is not prepared for a zombie attack.


Residents of the town made famous by one time FA Cup, Gary Lineker, are being advised not to panic.

I’ve been checking and believe that the message is being heeded.

I never used to like cheese and onion flavoured crisps as a kid but was a biug fan of salt and vinegar. This has completely changed. Speaking of which, here is a picture of UK first lady Nick Clegg on a recent visit to the City:

A pale blue dot.

9 Jun

Just this:


How do fish learn to count?

3 Jun

Twitter took me here this morning: http://www.newsmediaimages.com/celebrity-article-24975-true-or-false-simon-fuller-courts-cheryl-cole-ends-a-day-in-the-life-of-an-idiot/

There is a lovely throw away line about fish fingers relating to this story: http://bit.ly/k6wf64

Which inspired me, being a fish and all. Here are some facts about fish fingers:

  1. A glass of wine has as many calories as four fish fingers (for those not engaged enough to use the above link)
  2. Fish can count to four 
  3. Scientists think we all have fish fingers
  4. A proper, serious newspaper (Daily Telegraph no less) took the time to develop it’s own list of things you didn’t know about fish fingers
  5. The world’s biggest EVER fish finger was attcaked by two blonde ladies

I think five will do. Number four took the wind-out-of-my-sails a little bit to be honest.

Here is a picture to illustrate number five in my list. If you have any exciting fish finger stories, do please share.

Raining LSD?

2 Jun

Having a little read of www.god.com mainly because it’s a great URL so whoever has it must have some serious things to say.

Reading this section it seems that the argument being made is that because it is impossible to walk past a dog without waking it up (really?) then it is impossible for us to live for ever or for the bible to not be true.  I do enjoy this kind of arguement.

Anyway, we then find ourselves reading about acid rain. WHAT HAPPENED TO ACID RAIN? is all I can now think about now.

I think the big scare must have been when I was at a very impressionable age but I remember news stories about statues melting and everyone having to wear special hats. I just googled to find a link and learned that I can’t use ‘melt’ here as this is scientifically related to  heat-related solid to liquid changes only. I thought this was interesting so have just added these lines rather than changing my original mistake.

So. It seems to have gone away. I’m also not the first to panic about what happened to acid rain e.g. this.

Therefore this isn’t a very topical blog post. Also, apparently all rain is acid (though I got this form Yahoo answers , so who knows)

Reminds me a bit of a song by an also non-topical band. There is no dark side of the moon. As a matter of fact it’s all dark.


Rusty Cucumbers

2 Jun

Please excuse me and my mistakes, it has been a long time since I wrote anything in Spanish:

Nosotros no le envenenamos. Nuestros pepinos son fantásticos. Yo no mencionaré la guerra. Eso es para las personas griegas. (http://wapo.st/jjkJLt)

I don’t get many comments on this blog nor many Spanish people but it would be a good time for a test of Godwin’s law. It is uttelry remarkable how many and how wonderful the results are when you google ‘nazi cucumbers’ (this one is my favourite)

I have never had e.coli but I once poisoned myself with some Bernard Matthews Turkey Drunsticks. Please note that this was an error on my part as I grilled them from frozen thinking the oven was on and in no way am I suggesting that Bernard Matthews poisoned me or is a disreputable company – though these people may want to say something different: http://veganworldwidenews.blogspot.com/2006/04/bernard-matthews-battered-turkey-in_24.html

Oh well.

You have to say allahu akbar… or they cut your head off

31 May

Many thanks to an irenicon for leaking the trailer for Jeff Bridges’ new film Where is the love? – from this brief glimpse it already looks like a big step up from his last flim Tron Legacy (http://bit.ly/l82vdh)

You can watch the trailer here:  http://anirenicon.com/2011/05/28/when-faith-patriotism-and-ignorance-meet-fur-coats/

The film is loosly based on the pop song of the same name, released in 2003 by the Black Eyed Peas. Do watch out for Jeff (he’s wearing a lot of red, very symbolic, and a nice hat) in the trailer. Also, several cast memebers from Easy Rider make cameo appearances and there is also a role for the bear from 1988 french movie classic: ‘The Bear’ – which you can see slowly eating the news presenter.


The plot centres around a group of intellecutal thinkers based on the philospher king concept made famous in satircal novel The Republic by Plato (http://amzn.to/irX0vx). This group have reasoned that the US is at the threshold of huge political change and faces a monumentous decision that could change the fate of all humanity. Faced with once-in-a-generation choices, the group believe that their  government has been infiltrated and is incapable of understanding what is happening in the world, let alone acting rationally. So, in the name of God and the American constitution, they couragelously pick on people who are a bit different to them. 

Anyway, I don’t want to give too much away… but everyone resolves their differences in the end and there’s a big street party and no-one gets their head cut off.